StarPoet Newsletter Vol. XI, No. XXXIV

Time Has Cast Its Spell
 
By Lisa Jain Thompson
 
© 1997 & 2010
 

"...that heaven's vault should crack..."
 
 
The clearing was on the high ground, a safe spot off the road with a clear view through the evergreen and dawn sequoia to the river far below.  This far up the mountain, the morning air already felt like Fall and Gabrielle stirred as the chill shivered through her body.
 
The poet woke to find a campfire down to embers and she was reaching for more wood when she noticed the Warrior Princess was gone.  Oddly gone, she thought, since she most always woke up before Xena whose body in the cold felt each wound and scar, each broken bone suffered over the years.
 
Argo was gone too. What strange day approaches?
 
As Gabrielle sat up and stretched, she noticed how stiff her own body felt.  I'll have to find softer ground before tonight she thought as a smile broke across her face.  Why am so tired, this morning? I wonder if Xena saw how tired I was last night and went off early so that I could rest today.
 
Gabrielle stood, stretched again, and picked up a few small pieces of wood to throw on the dying fire.  Her eyes were still blurred with sleep and, after making sure the wood had caught, she took a quick drink from her water bag to moisten and sweeten her mouth, then splashed cold water on her face to rinse the night away.
 
Why can't I remember where we were going?  Weren't we just in Britain, fighting against Caesar's Armies? That can't be right.  This mountain certainly isn't a part of the British landscape.  If I had to guess, I'd say we were back in the Mediterranean, Northern Italia, probably.  Didn't Xena say that it was never good to guess. 
 
I hope the day isn't looping again.  Not that it was was all that bad when time became unstuck from space --- I kept waking up next to Xena, my lovely Warrior Princess.  Of course, Xena wouldn't admit anything back then, she always held her feelings in, but still ....  
 
The bard sighed,  I hope the day warms up by the time I reach the river.  I need to bathe, my hair feels coarse and dirty -- I don't want Xena to see me like this.
 
Gabrielle, tearing off some bread and cheese, huddled around the fire, breaking her fast as her mind still struggled with Xena's absence.  Something didn't feel right.  Why can't I remember where we were going?  In any event, I prefer to be in a river valley than on an icy mountain top when evening comes again.   Xena will find me, no matter where I am.  She always does.
 
Gathering her things, Gabrielle began her slow descent down the mountain to the river's edge.   After some minutes she stopped to rest.  This is harder than I thought, my body feels so very tired and sore this morning.   What WAS I doing last night? 
 
Catching her breath, Gabrielle tried to touch the elusive memory.   Fighting Ares?  Walking in on Hercules and Ioalus?  Gabrielle laughed, remembering how startled everyone was, but especially how embarrassed Herc was.  Who would have thought?  
 
She struggled for control of her drifting thoughts.   She'd never make the river if she spent all her time daydreaming. Get on with it girl, get on with it.  Gabrielle started back down the mountain's side, stumbling over the loose rock and slippery clumps of dead and dying grass.
 
When I see Xena, I'm going to tell her how much I love her.  I know she will find me down beside the river. 
 
Gabrielle sighed, anticipating her own next thought, after all it's all down hill from here.  The river looks so very far away, so very very far.
 
By the time the sun was high above the horizon, Gabrielle found herself almost entirely spent.   Have I been sick?   I'm not still pregnant am I?  No, no, I had that demon's child,  I'm sure that's in the past now.  I wish I had a better sense of time, everything is always so jumbled up in my mind. 
 
Looking down, the bard sidestepped some Centaur spore. That's a good sign, I guess.  Maybe Xena went off to help Tyldus.
 
The amazon queen began looking for a bit of shade so that she could stop for lunch.  Lunch!   How many years have I been eating old cheese and dry bread now?  It was never how good the food was that was important, but who the company was. 
 
Xena and me, me and Xena.  It has always been us, hasn't it?  Last night, on our wedding night, when Perdicus was in the other room, Xena kissed me and I KNEW, and so did she, I think, but neither of us would admit it.
 
Gabrielle sat up, startled by the sudden sharpness of the memory.  Perdicus has been dead for years.  She knew that.   She knew that just has firmly as she knew that Xena was gone.
 
Gone.   Xena is gone.  I've got to get down to the river.   Xena will find me there. 

She has to.  She just has to.
 
Gabrielle began her descent once more, hoping that Xena would find Tyldus and bring him down to the river with her.  It's been years since she has seen him. 

This far down the mountain, a few small flowers were still in bloom and dark black berries still clung to thorny bushes.  Where was Xena?
 
"XENA!" 
 
Gabrielle's voice echoed off the mountainside. 
 
She yelled again. 
 
"XENA!" 
 
Xenaxenaxenaxenaxena tumbling through the mountains.   
 
Answer me Xena, answer me!
 
Outloud
 
"I love you. "
 
Talk to me, darling, please talk to me.  I can't take this silence anymore.
 
I could have been an Amazon Queen.  I am an Amazon Queen but I left my throne so I could follow you, so that I could be by your side each night to tend your wounds and heal the darkness in your soul.   I could have been a Queen. 
 
I could have been a great poet, even Homer admitted that, a singer of epic songs. (What do you mean who was going to dub my voice?)  I think he was a little afraid that I was going to pursue a bardic career full time.   I know he was relieved when he found I was leaving with you, Xena, to wander the countryside.  I doubt he was looking forward to the competition.
 
The ground started to flatten out as Gabrielle approached the river.  The sound of rapids could be heard upstream, but here the river widened and formed slow pools on either side of the deep middle channel.  As she bent down to sip the fresh clear water, cupping it with her hand, she saw her face reflected back at her, distorted by the rippled refraction.   I'm glad Xena isn't here to see how drab and stringy my hair looks.
 
Gabrielle slipped her skirt off and slid into the pool to wash the dirt and tiredness from her body.  The cold water sent shivers of pain into her joints and muscles.   Removing her blouse, she carefully placed it on the shallow bank and then submerged herself completely until the river was washing through her hair.  I hope Xena appreciates the trouble I go through for her.
 
Standing up, with the sun beating on her body now cleansed of dirt and grim, Gabrielle was startled to see how white and soft her breasts looked.   And wrinkled.  Xena, help me.  I need you Xena. Please help me understand what is going on.
 
A women's voice shouted from just inside the treeline. 
 
"Mother?"
 
Gabrielle smiled, she knew it, she always comes for me. 
 
"I'm here, Xena, in the river, washing the dirt and pain away."
 
A tall woman, her strawberry blonde hair blown astray in the breeze tumbling through the valley, walked over near to where Gabrielle was bathing.  The woman appeared to be in her mid-thirties.
 
"Mother, you have to stop wandering off.  This is the second time this month.  Winter's coming and you'll hurt yourself if you keep going off on your own."  
 
"I'm not alone.  I'm waiting for Xena."
 
"Xena's dead, Mother, it's been over ten years now, ten years. "
 
"She's coming, I know she is."
 
"Mother...." 
 
"You think that I don't know when she is dead and when she lives?"
 
"Come, Mother, let me dry you."
 
"I might have saved her; now she's gone forever."
 
"There's nothing you could have done, you know that, Mother, nothing."
 
"Let me lie here awhile, daughter, let me rest.  I remember too much and not enough.  She'll come no more, will she?  Never, never, never, never, never."
 
The younger woman, eyes filling with tears, cradled Gabrielle in her arms, and murmured
 
"No, mother, not ever again."
 
"Do you see this?  Look on her.  Look, her eyes.  They were always so blue. Look there, look there.  I knew she would come for me."
 
"Mother?   Mother?  Are you alright?"
 
Overhead the full moon broke above the mountain peaks.  As an owl took flight across the valley, the evening's early silence was broken only by the sound of the bird awing and the river's rush back to the far distant sea.

in memory of Xena and Gabrielle
revised in Northern Virginia, Summer 2010